You ever have repetitive thoughts race around your head? Ha. Ok so here’re the specifics: you’re feeling that you aren’t on the same page with someone that is currently important in your life – for an example we will say that you feel that your boss doesn’t like you and is considering firing you. The various pieces of evidence that make you feel this way keep coming to mind from time to time, and it’s causing you unease. You push them away, forget about em. But then on Tuesday, you’re not vigilant and who knows what reminds you of something and you turn it all over again. Eventually it all builds and you’re freaking out. You’re calling your friends asking for advice. “Should I say something? Don’t I just wait this out? It’s probably all in my head. Or wait, what if it’s real, what if he really doesn’t like me?” This sound familiar?
Before you raise the whole “your mind creates your world” banner – or the “when the outer world doesn’t match your inner visions, accept what…”, all that happy self-talk ish. Before we go there, I have something exciting to share:
I, just today, had this very scenario happen, myself. It’s true. It had been building for about a week. I’ll spare all the uneasy drama, but the way through, the way back to right now, the way back to accepting this moment completely and not drifting back to this repetitive stickiness of thought did not end with “I accept this situation so let’s move on and be in the moment.” It was not pure acceptance, believe me, I tried for a week. Getting back did begin with acceptance, however. Before I could get back to now I needed to accept that my feelings were valid. I also needed to accept that I was afraid of speaking my heart, for I was afraid of what the outcome might be. I also seemingly needed someone to tell me that I really should be gutsy and tell this person how I feel. So after consultation, I knew what I needed to do. But as I began to speak my mind, I realized that as much as I wanted to express myself, I had been just as curious about what this other person felt. And by bringing attention to our relationship, I was not only able to tell this person that I saw really good prospects for everyone further going after it together, and how I felt we’d both be better for knowing the other’s feedback – I was just as importantly able to get this person’s perspective on what they were seeing and feeling about how things currently existed.
It’s not like I am now at a place where the outside world matches the ideal of what I see it could be. I am, however, at a place where the outside world knows my truth the best that I can tell it, and I its. I’m also here knowing more about where I need to continue to grow in my skills of internal understanding and truthtelling. I’ve learned that lesson best I could for the moment. That week of unease is over. Now, what else can you show me?
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